Tonkatsu

Last night was an "Asian theme" for dinner at Table of Grace to celebrate the Chinese new year. I took over a chicken curry and tonkatsu (more on that in a bit). I figured "Asian-themed" is a pretty broad description, so taking both Indian and Japanese food should work. And it did - both seemed to go over well enough.

I love tonkatsu, which is basically the Japanese version of breaded pork cutlets. It's "down home cookin'" at its finest, no matter whether "down home" is Tarkio or Tokyo. As a starting point I used the recipe from Everyday Harumi, a great cookbook by Harumi Kurihara that Les gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago. I then made a few changes (of course).

Ingredients

• 12 thinly sliced boneless pork loin chops (about ¼" to ½" thick)
• ½ cup flour
• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic powder
• 5 eggs
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• "Panko" breadcrumbs (about one tall can)
• Vegetable oil for frying
• Shredded Napa cabbage (optional)
• Tonkatsu sauce

Note: This requires you to deep fry the meat. If you don't have a deep fryer (we don't), an inch or so of vegetable oil in a deep skillet will work just fine. That's what I used, heating the oil thoroughly before cooking the meat. I set the burner to "8" out of "10" on my electric range.


Directions

Mix flour, salt, pepper and garlic in shallow bowl. Snip small cuts every 2" or so around the circumference of each chop to keep them from curling when they cook. Dredge each chop in the flour mixture and let sit on wax paper for 15 to 30 minutes, then dredge again. Lightly beat eggs and soy sauce together in shallow bowl. Put panko crumbs in shallow bowl. Heat oil until hot (a few breadcrumbs should bubble almost immediately when dropped in).

Dip a floured chop into the egg wash on both sides then into the breadcrumbs on both sides, then place into the hot oil. The oil should cover the chop and immediately start sizzling. Do the same with two more chops. Cook each chop until golden brown (about five minutes - this time may shorten as the oil continues to heat). There is no need to turn the chops. When a chop is done lift it out with a metal spatula and put on a plate covered with paper towels to drain. As you remove each chop cover another with egg and crumbs and put it in the pan in its place, never cooking more than three at a time (to keep the oil hot - if you have a deep fryer you may be able to fry more chops at once).

It is traditional to serve with shredded raw Napa cabbage, although I skipped that. Serve with rice or noodles and with some tonkatsu sauce for dipping (Chinese mustard, wasabi or Sriracha are also good).

Serves 6+. We had multiple requests for seconds, so 12 chops for six people left about three for leftovers. Everybody liked it (which is saying a lot).

Guilt vs. shame

The current online MSR class I am taking is "Utilizing Church Conflict." It's a good course, and has me thinking about a lot of things, especially my approaches to conflict, where they come from, and which parts need correction. The text is Managing Church Conflict by Hugh F. Halverstadt. It is an interesting book, although I find its language a bit tedious and tiresome, especially it's overuse of the word "one," as in:

One does not choose one's role as a party to a conflict. One's role results from how one's own interests are involved in the situation. However, one does make a choice to manage a conflict's process as well as to stand for one's own interests. One's role is determined by one's interests. One's ministry of conflict management is a response to one's Christian vocation.
HUGH F HALVERSTADT. Managing Church Conflict (Kindle Locations 591-594).

Ugh.


But the ideas in general are valid, so I have been slogging through. A week or so ago, however, I read the following, and I must say it has been in my mind ever since. It is on the difference between "guilt" and "shame," which I had never thought of before, or never in this way (emphases mine):

Many Christians may agree with all these theological and ethical arguments but still find themselves blocked from behaving assertively. It takes more than cognitive understanding for them to behave assertively. The key to anyone's being assertive lies in one's fundamental sense of oneself: of shame or of self-worth. 

Christians behave aggressively or manipulatively in conflicts when they are informed by habitual, unexamined beliefs they gained in childhood. Christians behave assertively in conflicts when they are informed and reformed by Christian beliefs that they are fully loved by God. That is why learning to practice Christian assertiveness involves a continuing reflection about one's gut Christian beliefs. 

What can block any Christian from being assertive is shame. Shame is a different form of sin than wrongdoing. Merle Fossum and Marilyn Mason explain: 

Guilt is the developmentally more mature, though painful, feeling of regret one has about behavior that has violated a personal value. Guilt does not reflect directly upon one's identity nor diminish one's sense of personal worth.... A person of guilt might say, "I feel awful seeing that I did something which violated my values." . . . In so doing the person's values are reaffirmed. The possibility of repair exists and learning and growth are promoted. While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person. The possibility for repair seems foreclosed to the shameful person because shame is a matter of identity, not a behavioral infraction. There is nothing to be learned from it and no growth is opened by the experience because it only confirms one's negative feelings about oneself' 

Shame-based people cannot assert themselves because they secretly think of themselves as inferior to other parties in a conflict. They perceive of conflicts as occasions when their secret defectiveness will be found out. Therefore, shame-based parties experience conflicts as occasions when they must prove to be right at whatever cost. They are literally driven to be right. 

Their goal in conflicts is to be a winner, so as to seem superior. Their terror is to be a loser, which they perceive as being defective. 

Obviously, a shame-based mentality in conflicts sets up compulsive behavior. In some win/lose conflicts parties fight aggressively or manipulatively to get what they want at others' expense. They act sinfully. But in other win/lose conflicts one or more parties fight compulsively to be what they fear they are not: worthwhile beings. When parties act sinfully, they can repent and choose to fight constructively. But when parties perceive that they are not of worth, they must be healed before they can choose to fight constructively. Such parties fulfill the profile of a church antagonist drawn by Haugk: 

Antagonists are parties who, on the basis of nonsubstantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity. 

Tragically, many antagonists cannot even consider repenting without experiencing self-hate. They don't know how to be different without being better or worse than others. When they shame themselves or others for being wrong rather than doing wrong in conflicts, they may regret their behavior, but they see no way to change the reality they perceive and defend at all costs. Reinhold Niebuhr's distinction between repentance and remorse is applicable here: "Repentance is the expression of freedom and faith while remorse is the expression of freedom without faith. The one is the `Godly sorrow' of which St. Paul speaks, and the other is `the sorrow of this world which worketh death.' "" Shame-based people hear God calling, and they hide. Shame-based parties do not hear God call their names because of the bedlam of name-calling going on inside themselves. The only way shame-based antagonists know to resolve conflicts is to determine who is right or wrong, good or bad. They cannot resolve issues without judging persons. Nor can they accept or offer compromises without feeling that they are acknowledging imperfections that might expose their defectiveness. Such tormented parties are often major players in chronically destructive church conflicts.
HUGH F HALVERSTADT. Managing Church Conflict (Kindle Locations 492-516). 

This alone was worth the price of admission.


Have you ever thought of guilt as being different from shame?

Tortilla española

Last night's supper was at church (eating together is part of the theology of Table of Grace, and one of the things I love about it). The theme was "breakfast for dinner." There were lots of yummy things, and I ate too much, as usual. Once the theme was announced, I knew immediately what I would be bringing - tortillas española - Spanish-styled omelets. The beautiful things about them is they can be served hot or cold, which meant I could make them in advance and chill them, and they are easy to make.

I first learned how to make them from Anna Thomas's The Vegetarian Epicure Book Two. I now see that book and the original The Vegetarian Epicure are out of print and commanding fairly high prices as used books, but I would never give my copies up. There is now a The New Vegetarian Epicure out, which I am going to have to get. The former two books are quite simply two of my favorite cookbooks in my whole collection. I bought them when I was going through my first vegetarian phase in the late 1980s, but return to them again and again even as an omnivore, because the recipes are hearty, delicious and so easy to make.

Over the years I've adapted her original recipe and made it my own. The basic tortilla española recipe has a whopping six ingredients in it, and that's counting salt and pepper! But you can adapt the fillings with what you have on hand, and that makes for an infinite number of variations. Try it out for breakfast, dinner, appetizers - it fits all those roles. In fact, one of the most common ways to eat them is as tapas (mmm, tapas).

Ingredients (basic recipe)

• 1 large russet potato, diced into ¼" to ½" cubes
• 1 large yellow onion, chopped
• 2½ Tbs olive oil
• salt
• pepper
• eggs, beaten (see note)

Note: the original Vegetarian Epicure recipe called for five eggs. And that's a fine amount. But you can certainly up that number, and I recommend it if you are going to feed more people. Last night's tortillas used nine eggs each. But given I then sliced them into 8-10 wedges, the egg-per-serving ratio was low, if you're worried about your health. On the other hand, when eating these as a main dish at home, Morgann, Les and I will easily divide a nine-egg tortilla between us.

Extra Ingredients

You may add any of the following, alone or in combinations, based on what sounds good and what you have on hand. At that point we are probably no longer technically making a tortilla española, but I dislike getting pedantic over food. :) You don't want to overwhelm the tortilla, so just a bit (a teaspoon to a quarter cup, depending) of each is enough to add flavor and color. Use your judgment, experiment, and remember what you like for next time sums up my philosophy about cooking.

• Oregano (I add a teaspoon of this every time)
• Calamata or other black olives, diced
• Fresh garlic, chopped
• Sweet red peppers (fresh or as pickled pimentos), diced
• Fresh mushrooms, diced
• Ham, diced
• Hard grated cheese
• Whatever else sounds good, diced - I've seen eggplant, peas, asparagus, etc.

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Sauté the potatoes and onion until just tender. If any other ingredients are "hard vegetables," you can sauté them at this time, too. I usually have everything else all mixed together with the eggs to make it easy. Pour the eggs, et al., into the pan over the potatoes and onions. Cover and cook on low heat ("2" to "3" on my electric range, depending on how browned I want the resulting omelet to be - a "2" is a good starting point) for 15 to 20 minutes. If you used five eggs, then 15 minutes, if nine or ten then more like 20. A glass lid for the skillet is handy but not necessary to see the tortilla's progress. But basically there is no need to "tend" the skillet during this time, which makes it an excellent recipe for allowing the cook to do other things during the interim.

When the top of the tortilla is just firm, uncover, place a plate upside down on top of it, and then carefully turn the pan over while holding the plate in place until the tortilla drops out of the pan and onto the plate. Put the skillet back on the burner and then slide the tortilla back into the skillet, cover and brown the other side for two to five minutes, again based on the number of eggs and how brown you like your omelets. Slide the tortilla back onto the plate. If you are eating it hot then you're ready to go. Otherwise it can be cooled and served at room temperature or cold. Cut into wedges. Serves 3-4 as a main course accompanied by a good hearty bread for a light breakfast or dinner. Serves eight or more as an appetizer, especially part of a tapas-styled dinner. Also excellent served with salsa.

Enjoy!

In the name of love

Since people are posting MLK links today, here's mine: Paul's Letter to American Christians, a sermon from 1956. Almost all of his points are still relevant today. I especially like parts of his call for justice and action at the end:

May I say just a word to those of you who are struggling against this evil. Always be sure that you struggle with Christian methods and Christian weapons. Never succumb to the temptation  of  becoming bitter. As you press on for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using only the weapon of love. Let no man pull you so low as to hate him. Always avoid violence... 

In your struggle for justice, let your oppressor know that you are not attempting to defeat or humiliate him, or even to pay him back for injustices that he has heaped upon you. Let him know that you are merely seeking justice for him as well as yourself... 

...Honesty impels me to admit that such a stand will require willingness to suffer and sacrifice. So don’t despair if you are condemned  and persecuted for righteousness’ sake. Whenever you take a stand for truth and justice, you  are liable to scorn. Often you will be called an impractical idealist or a dangerous radical. Sometimes it might mean going to jail. If such is the case you must honorably grace the jail with your presence. It might even mean physical death. But if physical death is the price that some must pay to free their children from a permanent life of psychological death, then nothing could be more Christian. Don’t worry about persecution America; you are going to have that if you stand up for a great principle.

 Recommended reading for this day.

 

 

Finally, an excuse!

It hit me while at dinner at Table of Grace on Saturday night that I have a valid reason for being overweight! Because in Christianity hospitality is not just a nice thing to do, it is an important part of the theology!

Nah, I didn't buy it, either. :)

Fish tales, episode 1

A couple of years ago, we gave Jon and Gloria each a 10 gallon aquarium for their birthdays. The experience was...traumatic. No matter what we tried, we had fish dying every week. I had a five gallon tank as a kid, I don't remember it being that hard to keep fish going. I know it wasn't, in fact. We finally had only one tank going, with one goldfish, "Dancer," who lived quite a while. My wife and Gloria both liked to talk to Dancer when they fed "her." But then when Dancer died, both my daughter and Leslie were heartbroken. So the tanks set empty for two years. I just wasn't up for "Jim! Another fish died. Again." Sigh.

Then last summer a friend offered up a 75 gallon aquarium and stand, for free. I spent part of the time since painting the stand (it was black). Then the holidays got in the way. But finally we moved it all upstairs to our dining room. This weekend I went and bought a filter and heater and gravel and we filled it. Now it is just going to settle in for at least a week. My plan is next Friday (i.e., pay day - even "just" what I bought yesterday was expensive, and it was all on sale!) I will buy some testing kits to stay on top of the water condition and a bunch of live plants. I will then let those get established for a week or two before we start to slowly introduce fish. Hopefully this time by carefully monitoring water, paying close attention to tank ecology, etc., we can keep the fish alive much longer.

My plan is to have a completely "Buddhist, pacifist, non-violent, non-aggressive, peaceful, laid back" aquarium. So we will be picking types of fish that all want to live together in harmony. One thing I want is a bunch of neon tetras, because they aren't "nippy," they look cool, and I want enough of them so that they actually "school" together. Because I think that will look cool, and the tank is certainly big enough. How big? This big:

The tank is four feet wide, for scale.

Stay tuned. I will continue to post progress as we go.

Introverts in the Church, part 7

[Seventh and probably final post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]

From chapter 9, Introverts in the Church.

Page 193: Roy, whom I mentioned in chapter five, startled me when he said that introverts actually play a critical role in welcoming others. Because introverts understand what it's like to be on the outside of a community looking in, we can relate to people who are visiting our church and extend hospitality to them in nonintimidating ways.

I hope that is a role I can play and continue to play, because I do understand the "outsider" view.

Page 194: In the same way, churches have a way of choosing us, a process that is mysterious, sovereign.

Man! Did I resonate when I read that, because that's exactly how it felt with stumbling upon Table of Grace - as something that has been "mysterious, sovereign." A "God thing," as more than one person has called it.

Page 199: So much of our human relationships, even the very best parts, is unspoken, and our worship, in which we interact with a personal God, ought to reflect that.

There it is again - the idea that part of a deep and meaningful relationship with God is the ability to just be. "Hey, God! You wanna just hang out with me today?" Which also fits with the book's theme that one of the most important things introverts can bring to the church is that same ability, to just sit with someone and "be."

Well, that's the end of my notes on the book. Again, I highly recommend reading it, especially if you are an introvert, especially if you are an introvert in an extroverted church. Good stuff.

Introverts in the Church, part 6

[Sixth post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]




From chapter 8, Introverted Evangelism.

Page 174: In exploring the mysteries of God together, we relieve ourselves of the need to be the "expert." The formerly humiliating answer of "I don't know" becomes not only possible but even profound. Ronald Rolheiser asserts that "The contemplative believes that, since God is radically and totally other than ourselves and our reality, we can live patiently and believe in God, despite seemingly unanswerable paradoxes, and despite pain and injustice." This mindset transforms awkward pauses into sacred silences, in which we wait for God's illumination.

This has been a guiding principle for me in the Bible study I facilitate (not "lead"). The idea that we don't have to know all the answers, nor do we have to have them figured out by the end of the session. It's also why we go so "far afield," because we're not keeping score of whether we're "covering the material," but instead letting the Spirit lead us where we need to go that evening.

Page 180: We might even call our style of evangelism a "listening evangelism." When someone who identifies herself as a Christian truly listens to another person, it conveys the love and compassion of Jesus in ways that talking about that love never could. Eugene Peterson reflects on the nature of listening: "pastoral listening requires unhurried leisure, even if it's only for five minutes. Leisure is a quality of spirit, not a quantity of time. Only in that ambiance of leisure do persons know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with dignity and importance."

I loved that "unhurried leisure, even if it's only for five minutes." There's almost a koan in there, and one I've been thinking about lately.

Introverts in the Church, part 5

[Fifth post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]


From chapter 7, Leading as Ourselves.

Page 148: The most pivotal preaching event in the Bible was not Moses and the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai, or Peter on Pentecost, or even the Sermon on the Mount; the most pivotal preaching moment was the incarnation, the moment the eternal Word of God, the wisdom with which the whole universe hangs together, became human. God's supreme revelatory medium was not words piped in or scrolls dropped from the heavens, but a living, breathing human being who walked and taught and ate and wept and loved among us.

There you go - I agree completely. The whole book was worth it to read that.

Page 150: Christian leaders, even introverted ones, are called to enter into the worlds of others and allow others to enter ours. We let others see our strengths and our triumphs, as well as our weaknesses and failures and doubts, even our struggles as introverts (using discretion, of course). The greatest gift that we have to offer others is ourselves, because it's in our fragile and vulnerable humanness that people see the unconditional love and redeeming power of God most clearly. A leader showing vulnerability about his or her personal life, thus creating empathy with the pain and struggles of others, often has a greater impact than countless numbers of the most powerful biblical exhortations. I've found this to be especially true when I tell unresolved personal stories, meaning that the story hasn't ended in victory and personal heroism; this presents me as a fellow traveler in the way of the cross.

Leaders don't have to have all the answers!

Pages 154-155: Many people are reluctant to express their deepest longings and hopes, so they project them into superficial, quantifiable gauges that give the appearance of success and vitality. They subconsciously hope that achieving those goals will bring healing and joy to their souls, which of course it never will. They might say they want church growth, but what they actually need is something much more profound and personal. Perhaps they may need to know that God's grace is big enough to reach them in the wilderness, or that he is present in the most vulnerable and dark places of their lives. The best leaders know to, sometimes, not give people what they ask for.

Not give people what they ask for? Blasphemy! :)

Page 155: What a person in pain needs, on the deepest human level, is to not feel alone. What helps someone is people who will simply be there and help carry the burden without always trying to fix the situation. The best thing Job's "comforters" ever did was sit with him on the ground in silence for seven days. I'm sure he wished that on the eighth day they had just returned home, without ever opening their mouths. Words can trivialize, but silence is sacred.

I loved this passage. Can you imagine what a different book, story and lesson Job would be if it had happened like that? Friends came, sat in silence with him, and then left. "Words can trivialize, but silence is sacred." There is true teaching of love and friendship in that!

Introverts in the Church, part 4

[Fourth post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]


From chapter 6, The Ability to Lead.

Page 124: We gain character by opening ourselves up to God's transforming power through prayer, through solidifying our most important relationships and by practicing the good habits that enable us to become the kind of people we want to be. True leaders don't lead out of who others want them to be; therefore, introverts with character will lead as introverts. We do not try to be extroverts or contort ourselves in ways our personalities are not able to go...People desperately want to know that it's possible to live, act and work as they are, and introverted leaders who model authenticity will give others freedom to be themselves.

I really, really needed to read this as I struggle with what my "role" is at home, at work, and in the church. It makes it clear, for one, that "introverted leader" is not an oxymoron.

Page 125: Wilfred Drath and Chales Palus, at the Center for Creative Leadership, explain that "most existing theories, models, and definitions of leadership proceed from the assumption that somehow leadership is about getting people to do something." Instead, Drath and Palus reimagine leadership as "the process for making sense of what people are doing together so that people will understand and be committed. Leadership, in this view, is a matter of interpretation. Leaders give people a lens and a language for understanding their work and experiences in light of larger purposes. They help shape the mental frameworks of others so that those people see themselves as making contributions to the mission and direction of their organization, working in community for a common purpose.

You don't make people go where you want them to go, or where they "should go," but instead you simply help them see and understand the story of which they are a part, and the rest will happen as it should.

Page 126-127: God's gifts are not conditional on our worthiness for receiving them or our fitness for using them, and they are certainly not conditional on personality type. God does not make sure someone is an extrovert before he bestows a gift of leadership, nor does he give gifts by mistake. And he sees his gifts, and their recipients, through to the end - granting the ability to embrace the gift and to use it for the blessing of his church.

The example of Moses gets used a lot in the book. Someone who did not have the natural gifts of eloquent speech or leadership and yet got thrust into being a speaker and a leader and having to rely on God for all of it. The idea that "God does not make sure someone is an extrovert before he bestows a gift of leadership" is a scary one - at least, it's scary to me!

Introverts in the Church, part 3

[Third post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]


The following is taken from chapter 5, Introverted Community and Relationships.

Page 88: It's in community that we learn how to love, how to server, how to listen, how to forgive.

So we introverts need to remember there's a reason we need to get involved and not always sit on the fringes. Like it or not, Christianity is a team religion.

Page 92: Many introverts will relate to a scenario like the following. An introverted woman spends hours contemplating a thought or observing a pattern in her life. She turns it over in her mind until it becomes a companion to her and then decides to share it in the context of a small group. When she musters up the courage to voice it, trembling as she puts words to this precious inner stirring, someone in the group cuts her off when she pauses in the middle, her thought still building steam. This person quickly tells her that she shouldn't feel the way she does or else counters with a story of her own, which only tangentially relates to what the introvert was saying. Nouwen's words perfectly capture the sense of personal violation and emptiness: "Often we come home from a sharing session with a feeling that something precious has been taken away from us or that holy ground has been trodden upon."

Yes, yes, yes, yes! This happens to me all the time, especially in social situations. Happens to Les, too. One of the reasons introverts end up being quieter than most is because we end up being trained to be from interactions like the above.

Introverts in the Church, part 2

[Second post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church. First post is here.]


Chapter 2, The Introverted Difference, basically describes the attributes of introverts. I already know all about that, so I didn't find much worth posting from it. Similarly, chapter 3, Finding Healing, is aimed at those who've felt wounded by church for being an introvert. I long ago gave up on trying to fit in, so again, it didn't really say anything that I thought worth posting. Both chapters are still worth reading, though. Chapter 4, Introverted Spirituality, had a lot of meat in it, so the rest of this post will be excerpts from that.

Pages 70-71: There is an ancient spiritual tradition, still a central practice in Eastern Orthodoxy, called apophatic spirituality. Also referred to as via negativa ("the negative way"), apophatic spirituality focuses on what cannot be grasped about God through rational thought, words or images. It emphasizes the hiddenness of God. This is in contrast to kataphatic or positive spirituality, which is focused on what can be known about God. Kataphatic spirituality is grounded in revelation - the words, images and other means through which God has chosen to disclose himself in the Scriptures, the created world and the incarnation of Jesus Christ....Although we possess God's self-revelation in the Bible, God can never be encapsulated by words on a page or confined by precise doctrines. Words and tangible images are signs pointing to God, but they are not God himself. As useful and necessary as they are, they have a way of limiting or trying to control him.

Or as our pastor Michelle, puts it, "trying to put God in a box."

Pages 72-73: Contemplative solitude, though, differs from simple privacy. Privacy involves moving away from something, physically distancing ourselves from the draining world of outside stimulation....Solitude, however, is as much of an internal state as it is a physical reality. In solitude we move toward something, toward an encounter with God that produces spiritual renewal....God's power is resurrection power, the very energy that triumphed over death in the person of Jesus and set the world ablaze with new creation. When we seek him in solitude we avail ourselves of resurrection power, finding restoration that supersedes any refreshment we can find in mere privacy.

The challenge for me is to convert the many times when I desire or simply choose "mere privacy" by default into something more contemplative.

Pages 74-75: There is a very animated committee in my head that produces all kinds of imaginary scenarios, has fierce verbal jousts, and wrestles with any number of personal and world dilemmas, so the challenge has been allowing God into my internal conversations My internal chatter is so constant that it becomes difficult for me to discern the voice of God...It's not that I need to silence the conversation that comes so natural to me; it's that I need to allow God to assume his place at the head of the table.

Amen to that!

Page 83: The goal of silence is not necessarily to hear the profound word from God, but simply to spend time with our Father - in which God may or may not speak.

How counter-cultural is that? The idea that it is useful, necessary even, to just "hang" with God. Not because he wants to hear what I have to say, not because I am going to get to hear what he has to say, but simply because, as two in a relationship, sometimes it's good just to be together, quietly. That one really struck me.

Introverts in the Church, part 1

[First post in a series on the book Introverts in the Church.]

I just finished reading Adam S. McHugh's book, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. It was recommended and reviewed by Dan some time ago, which is how it ended up on my reading list. I liked the book, it fit in with my vision of how church should "work" for an introvert like me. One of the things the author pushes is that church isn't always supposed to feel comfortable, so we shouldn't just shop for a church that lets us introverts blend into anonymity. Instead, he discusses what introverts need to fully become a part of community (which is what church should be all about) and how to recognize, celebrate and use the gifts of introverts as much as we do extroverts.

While its focus is on the evangelical church, I think the points made apply to any church, or virtually any other organization in our extrovert-oriented culture. In the end, both introverts and extroverts should feel stretched outside their comfort zones.

Recommended.

The rest of this series will be excerpts from the book I found particularly interesting, moving or provoking. If you are an introvert, I hope they motivate you to read the book or at least consider the points made. If you are an extrovert, maybe they'll help you recognize and better interact with the introverts around you.

Chapter 1: The Extroverted Church

Page 19-20: The evangelical priority on this kind of personal relationship with Jesus has direct implications for the nature of the community that forms around him. It is not surprising that evangelicals have a high value for intimate, informal relationships with one another, and we structure our churches - with small groups in our houses, fellowship hours, social events, accountability groups and prayer chains - in order to support this value. Most evangelical churches strongly encourage (and sometimes require) participation in these kinds of activities.
Unfortunately, sometimes our value for community life can become a substitute for relationship with God. Psychology professor Richard Beck says that for some churches spirituality is equated with sociability.
...
Yet for introverts who are wearied by and sometimes apprehensive of large quantities of social interaction, these evangelical emphases can feel discouraging and marginalizing. By no means are introverts against intimate relationships; indeed we are motivated by depth in our relationship. And while the emphasis on intimacy with Jesus is welcome, in community we prefer interactions with smaller numbers of people with whom we feel comfortable. So when an evangelical community explicitly or implicitly preaches broad interaction across the congregation, the introverted resistance to it can produce interior feelings of spiritual inadequacy.

Amen!

Page 21: To participate in the evangelical church is to join the conversation. Introverts, however, spare our words in unfamiliar contexts and often prefer to observe on the fringe rather than engage in the center. Our spirituality may be grounded in Scripture, yet is quieter, slower and more contemplative. In an upfront, talkative, active evangelical culture, we can be viewed as self-absorbed or standoffish, and we can feel like outsiders even when we have faithfully attended a church for years.

Sounds like me at my last church.

Page 25: We might say that modern evangelicalism has a hearing problem. We often preach before we seek to understand a situation or before we sit in prayerful silence. Our verbal effusiveness can devolve into breezy cliches, hollow sound bites and repetitive song lyrics, things that don't honor the uniqueness, complexity and beauty of each person.

This actually fits with some reading I'm doing for my current MSR class, Utilizing Church Conflict. Shut up and listen first - both to the other person and to God.

Page 26: Some have said that, in Christian culture, busyness is next to godliness.

Page 26: I was reminded of Eugene Peterson's indictment of our brand of Christianity: "American religion is conspicuous for its messianically pretentious energy, its embarrassingly banal prose, and its impatiently hustling ambition."

Amen, again!

Pages 27-28: All the interviews I conducted with introverted pastors yielded one commonality: the coffee hour after worship is one of their least favorite hours of the week. They love their people, but after expending a tremendous amount of emotional energy to preach, they would prefer to disappear into their offices than mingle.

I would say this is true of me as just a member of a church. However, one of the things I enjoy at Table of Grace is we eat supper together after every service. Somehow sitting down to a meal together is different than just wandering around making chit-chat with a cup of coffee in your hand. It allows individual conversations of some depth to occur. And I make sure and sit with different people each week and during each evening. Even so, after an hour or two, I am ready to go home and process!