Drop the 'tude, dude
[I made this poster - click to enlarge]
All our kids are now in double digits in age, and in another year the two youngest will officially be teenagers. But we're already getting glimpses of attitude from them, and our soon-to-be 14-year-old can display it in full force like only a teenager can. No one's flipped the finger at Les or me - yet...at least, not to our faces. I am sure there's probably been a few aimed at us through a freshly stomped through and slammed door. But there have been some total glare wars, refusing to do something just to prove a point, knowing full well there will be consequences.
I know it's all a normal part of the growing up process, leading to them becoming independent from us. But I don't respond to it very well. I find myself being exactly the parental cliché, right down to saying, "Don't talk to me that way, young lady!" Oh, God. We really are doomed to becoming our parents, aren't we? Worse, I see it and think back and I don't wonder if I was ever that bad - I know I was. Mom, Dad - Sorry!
Anyway, it's an interesting process to watch, and I am sure as our middlest enters high school next fall (yikes!) it will accelerate. I am hoping I can find some approach that lessens my negative reactions to it so I can deal with it constructively.
Yeah, right.
6 comments:
The tension around here is excruciating sometimes. Our 13 year old is determined to prove he doesn't *have* to do anything we ask. And this usually results in my husband saying "You DON'T talk to me like that!" LOL!
The other night we had to go somewhere for two hours and he was asked to take the trash out while we were gone. Before I left, I reminded him three times.
We returned home, and sure enough he hadn't done it. Worse, he was playing video games and yelled at me when I reminded him he was supposed to take the trash out.
Then sarcasm and back talk and arguments all the way to the kitchen, all the way outside and all the way back inside, ending with "You think I'm your SLAVE!"
That did not go over well. Haha. He claimed that it didn't really matter what time he took the trash out and refused to accept that it was a matter of respect and appreciation.
Sigh. We're really trying, but it's soooooo hard to be balanced and fair when he is so belligerent.
Hopefully you took away video game privileges for that one. I would have in an instant. I will put up with a lot, but back talk is not one of them. On the good side, when it comes to (most) chores (most) times, all three have just learned to hop to it and get it over with without being told twice, because they know there are consequences coming if they don't. The big battle right now is getting our 13-year old daughter out of bed in the morning. We have a fight about it at LEAST once a week. And I don't like having fights to start off my day.
Ooooh yeah. He paid for that. But it gets sooo tiring, because it's every day. I'm weary already and we have several years to go, yet.
And he really isn't a slave...the chores he's expected to do (not for allowance, just because he lives here) are reasonable...help with trash and recycling, load or unload the dishwasher (maybe twice a week), pick up after himself and his friends, and put away his clean laundry.
Then if he wants to earn money, we will find any of a variety of things to do from cleaning bathrooms, mopping or vacuuming floors, yard work, etc. He will work to earn money a couple times a week, usually.
He's going to make a great attorney someday, because I can't believe the loopholes he finds in the things we tell him to do. So we've resorted to adding "And you know what I mean. Obey the meaning of the rule (or instruction)" because otherwise he comes back with "well, that's not exactly what you said." Always testing the boundaries and looking for the loophole. And of course, he won't do anything that doesn't make sense to him. Like taking out the trash within a 2 hour window..."why does it matter what time I do it?"....um because I SAID SO! LOL.
Anyhow, just venting. The last week was especially difficult...
We stopped allowances a while back (for a variety of reasons, including cash flow). Our kids do the following on a rotating basis.
Daily:
o Set the table for dinner.
o Clear the table from dinner.
o Straighten the bathroom after showers (this doesn't get done very faithfully because we've been slack about policing it.
Weekly:
o Get all the house trash together and take the bin out to the curb for pickup.
o Clean the house - vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, clean the bathrooms, straighten play rooms and their bedrooms.
o Put their laundry and clean towels away.
o Erin is starting to learn to wash and dry their laundry as well.
On Demand:
o Take out the trash (Jon has actually started doing this when he sees it needs it, which is totally cool and he gets praise every time he does it).
o Empty the dishwasher.
o Anything else we ask.
I can't wait for Jon to get a bit bigger so he can mow the yard, too! :o)
And we make them do all of the above not as slaves, but to TEACH them how to do it, how to do it well, and that it all just needs to be done. That way, when they move out they'll probably rebel and live like pigs for a while, but at least when they get disgusted with their pigsty they'll know how to rectify it.
I hate the "slave" argument. I love to pull the old person thing on them "when I was your age..." because they do have it easier than I did. But of course, everything is relative.
We've never done allowances. There are certain things they are expected to do regularly, and certain things they have to do on demand, simply because they eat the food and live in the house. But if they want to earn money, there are always options for them.
Every time I get the "slave" argument or variations ("That's not fair!") I simply remind them how many hours I've worked that week plus all the things I've done around the home for them, and then ask if they want to trade. :o)
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