Maybe I'm doing it wrong
[Warning: Theology post.]
You ever worry if there are things that everyone seems to just know how to do and nobody talks about but there's a nagging voice in your head wondering if you're doing it wrong?
"I say, you're doing it all wrong, boy!"Take wiping, for instance. And yeah, I mean that kind. We were all taught how to do that for ourselves as part of a toilet training process that is so long ago and so psychologically buried that we can't remember it. We've just always done it. And I bet for each of us, we've always done it a certain way - any other way would just feel wrong. But how do you know what is the right way? Maybe you're not doing it right. And it's not like you can clear it up over lunch sometime with your buddy and say, "Hey, Mike! Can I ask you a question? It's been kinda bothering me for a while and I gotta know - how do you wipe, man? 'Cause I think I'm doing it all wrong and was wondering if you could pass along some tips? Maybe even show me? It'd be a big help, buddy."
- Foghorn J. Leghorn
How do you think that would go over?
And no, I am not here to talk about wiping, I am just using it as an example (to which the collective readership breathes a sigh of relief). But there are other things just as personal that we learned a long time ago and that nobody talks about and that are embarrassing to ask about now. To ask about how to do such things now would expose our vulnerability and place us outside "the club" that "just knows." There are many such touchy subjects.
Like prayer.If you were raised a Christian then sometime between the age of two and three you were taught to clasp your hands and bow your head and scrunch up your eyes real tight while some adult blathered on before dinner about thanks for this and pleadings for that and people who were sick that you didn't know. You fidgeted and squirmed, and finally it would grind to a halt with an "Amen!" and then you could eat. A bit later on you were even taught to "say grace", first via rote memorization. I grew up with:
God is goodLes's family (and our kids) learned:
God is great
And we thank Him
for our food.
Amen
Come Lord JesusIn fact, there was a long-running and bitter theological war between the kids for a year or more over whether it should be "thy gifts" or "these gifts." I finally stepped in and settled the matter by declaring "these gifts" to be of the recognized canon in our household. But I digress.
be our guest
and let these gifts
to us be blessed.
Amen
Still later we then learned how to "pray" ourselves. Or at least, I think we did. Maybe. We'd offer up our own wishes and worries at dinner, or in church. Tentative at first, then with more confidence as we learned the lingo and the patterns. Sometimes they were sincere, heartfelt pushes of thoughts upward ('cause isn't that where Heaven is? Up?) Sometimes they were more praying "at" someone - "Dear God, please make my brother Jon quit kicking me under the table." Prayer as passive-aggression.
Meanwhile, week-in and week-out at church we were taught that prayer involved:- A "respectful" posture - hands folded, head bowed.
- Formalized language - the KJV Bible may be dead in many churches but everyone still recites "Thy Kingdom come" when it comes time for the Lord's prayer.
- A lot of repetition and rote.
- A seemingly never-ending stream of words.
- Always asking for something.
Anyway, I think I'm "doing it wrong". For one, sometimes I pray not just to the Father and the Son, but to the Spirit, too. I remember reading somewhere that in fact we should pray to the Spirit, since He is the one that is with us and within us (literally in our head and heart). He is the one who will intercede for us with "groans that words cannot express." He is the one I worry about pissing off the most, and you don't want to piss off the Spirit. And He is coequal.
For another, I tend not to be very formal when I pray. I pray almost daily in the shower, and while my head may be bowed my hands typically aren't clasped. I am working on getting rid of a lot of the "God-talk," too, because that isn't me, and it gets in the way of real communication, and hence a real relationship. I try to give thanks as much or more as to ask for help or forgiveness.
But I worry. Maybe I am committing a heresy by praying to the Spirit as well as the Father and the Son. Maybe I am bringing down judgment for praying in the shower and not on my knees by my bed (gee, isn't that how you were taught to say bedtime prayers?)
Maybe I ask for too much. Or maybe I am being proud and self-reliant and don't ask for enough. Maybe I pray the wrong thing to the wrong Person in the Trinity. If I misaddress the prayer will it end up undelivered? Maybe I am pointing my prayer in the wrong direction. Is it a beam or ever-widening concentric circles of prayer radiating out into space? Maybe I don't "assume the position" correctly.
I dunno.So? How do you pray?
Or if that's a bit too personal a question...
How do you wipe?
10 comments:
LOL you stole the show here!
I worked for years to learn to "pray right" out loud so that people would clap me on the back and say "that was wonderful". And I hated it. I go so tired of saying "just". You know, "Dear Lord, I just come before you tonight and just would like to ask you to just heal Jennifer....blah blah blah. Somehow the word "just" became a symbol of humility.
One time in a small group, after we had all gone around and shared prayer requests, someone was selected to pray and began repeating everything that was just said. One of my friends interrupted and said "um, He already heard us the first time". LOL.
Today prayer is like breathing. I know he's here, I know he knows what I would ask, I just try to have a moment of peace throughout the day to remember it. I do find that I still fall back into old rhythm and vocabulary when praying out loud...mostly because I think it's what the people around me expect.
When I do deliberately pray these days, it often involves some yelling and maybe some swearing and generally too much familiarity with God for a lot of people to be comfortable with.
And no, I won't answer your other question!
Most of the time I just have a conversation. Sometimes I am more formal in my approach. I really hate to pray out loud in front of people. I'd rather it be one-on-one, rather than public.
I think you should always conclude with some sort of an expression of gratefulness and thanksgiving. Also, if you end up with poop on your hand, you're probably doing it wrong.
Erin,
That thing about "just" is great!
And yeah, the whole thing with prayer requests is strange. We do it in our small 5:00 pm service. The lay leader and pastor ask for prayer requests, people tell them, and then the two of them wrap it all in prayertalk and push it upwards, 'cause I guess that makes it more official. Or something.
And for the record, sometimes if I lead grace at the table, I just shout, "Thanks, God!" and that's that. A way to shake up the kids learning there's only one right way to do it.
Heidi,
All of Matthew 6 has always spoken to me, and part of it is this:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
CH,
Thanks, bro! Now I know!
Uh, sorry about that. That's what happens when I'm still up and commenting on blogs at 1:00 AM.
But really, both Erin and Heidi touched on some of my thoughts on the subject. Out loud prayer is extremely awkward for me. I'm thinking more about what the people around me are thinking of my word choice than I am about the fact that I'm petitioning the King of the Freaking Universe. How warped is that?
And the friend that Erin mentioned, who doesn't see the point in everyone praying again for the stuff we all just talked about needing prayer for? In my group, that would be me. I've said that a few different times.
And like Erin, prayer is not very far away from my mind at any given time. I see something awesome and breathe a prayer of thanksgiving, see something terrible and pray a prayer of pleading and grief. I no longer use fancy words or try to evade truth and reality during personal prayer time. I know that God knows and sees all, and I approach Him as such.
I used to live with a lot of guilt that I don't have a disciplined prayer life, and a certain time and place set aside, where I always go to pray. But that guilt was never helpful, and made the burden even heavier, and made me even less likely to stop to pray at all, because I sensed a separation from God because of it.
But even though that's no longer an issue for me and I'm at peace with it, I do still think a disciplined and deliberate prayer life is a good thing. I mean heck, Jesus had one. That seems pretty instructive to me about how much we need it.
CH,
No need to apologize! I thought it was hysterical.
I think I am somewhere in between all the comments so far. I feel awkward with public prayer - not just "performing" it but "participating", or whatever it is we do when we bow our heads in church. Am I thinking the right thing? Am I concentrating? Wait, what'd he just say? I was still praying about the last thing...", etc., etc. Perhaps part of my issue is that I am not a very auditory type of person, so it is hard for me to follow along with extemporaneous public prayer.
I, too, don't have much of a disciplined prayer life, and sometimes I wish I did. But I don't change anything to make that happen, so I guess it's one of those things I say that I don't mean.
And per Erin and you and the whole "God's already heard it" prayer request thing - that's something that's come out of this conversation that I hadn't really thought of before, but the more I think about it, the weirder it gets. I mean, someone will raise their hand and say, "I'd like (us) to pray for my sister, who has leukemia and is going through a hard time", and the pastor or lay leader will ask, "Do you want to do it?" and they'll almost invariably say, "No, you do it." So what just happened there? They said what needed to be said in front of the whole conversation and presumably God, but by then implying that prayer is somehow different from that - from simply expressing worry and wishes and wonder to God - that it must be handled "by professionals" and in a certain style and choice of words is probably one of the most offputting things about institutional Church.
Two things CH said:
"I'm thinking more about what the people around me are thinking of my word choice than I am about the fact that I'm petitioning the King of the Freaking Universe. How warped is that?"
and
"I used to live with a lot of guilt that I don't have a disciplined prayer life, and a certain time and place set aside, where I always go to pray. But that guilt was never helpful, and made the burden even heavier, and made me even less likely to stop to pray at all, because I sensed a separation from God because of it."
Precisely and Amen. It's good to know I'm not alone in this stuff.
I rarely focus and actually pray...though weirdly enough every time I hear sirens (police/ambulance/fire) it makes me cry and I have to pray, I just have to, can't help it...but otherwise only if I feel strongly compelled. But it used to make me feel really guilty and just like Ch said, I would withdraw, until I learned to let go of those taught expectations and learned to "be still and know".
And what you said, Jim, about having to repeat prayer requests, especially by those who are most qualified, somehow making it more 'official' is also a problem for me...it has always made me feel a little manipulated...not by anyone in particular, but just that I have learned that somehow when I pray it isn't good enough.
When we get caught up in praying for the benefit of the people listening, and wanting them to "like" our prayers, then we are just like the "pagans" in Matt 6.
This is a great topic, Jim.
Erin,
Yeah, CH is good to have around. He just needs to blog more himself! (hint, hint)
And I, too, always pray at the sound of a siren. I have since I was a teenager, I think. Just a quick "Lord, be with them!"
I love these type questions... until recently I did not love them when it came to "my faith" though. I was one of those who fell in line, took his doses (seen the movie Equilibrium?), and did all the stuff he was supposed to exceptionally well. Then, prompted by the Spirit I actually asked, "What if I was handed down this whole church and following thing all wrong?" It began an amazing journey and one where questions like the one you've asked about prayer have been the norm. So, what if what we've been handed down as "church" for generations has been all screwed up and continually getting more screwed up with each "improvement" we've layered on what Jesus left for us?
Craig,
I haven't seen the movie. Looks interesting.
I, too, worry about the layers and man-made interpretations. In fact, that's what drove me away from the faith for 20 years. But now days I worry most about my OWN layers and interpretations. In the large, the Spirit will make sure God's word and will is being spread. I need to make sure that includes in my own heart.
Or to put it another way and bring it back to the post - I don't worry about whether YOU'RE doing it wrong, I worry about whether I'M doing it wrong. :o)
Post a Comment