I miss my oldest daughter
Just sitting here thinking about my oldest, Meghann. I miss her. We had a falling out that was (mostly) my fault about two years ago, and since then the word that applies to our relationship is "estranged". Not from our side, perhaps, but she is making a point of expressing her displeasure with me by making sure I know we are being alienated from her, our grandchildren and her husband. It sucks.
Part of me thinks the Christian thing to do is say, "I'm sorry", even though I am not. Some of what got said needed to be said. But in the end, years are ticking by, decades may tick by. I don't know...
Don't presume you understand. OTOH, is there anything that would keep you from your children, ever? I wonder how God thinks about that?
Meanwhile, my second eldest is happy with me because I set up a new computer (actually my Mom's old one, now another Ubuntu box) for her today to replace Julia. Her computer (a much nicer one) is in Texas, and the executor of her mother's estate is supposed to ship it up here - and has been supposed to ship it up here for a month. Let's just say that household's grip on organizational skills is...um...right up there with ours, perhaps (first stone and all that). Anyway, Morgann's been working hard at being a contributing member of the household and as such she deserves the computational power and Internet connectivity of any 22 year old, and today I restored it to her.
At least I am still a Good Guy to one of the two.
3 comments:
I've no clue what might keep me from my children, but knowing how stubborn I can be, I bet I can find something that they might do that could do it.... but what? Not sure. I'd probably cave in though after awhile and apologize, but that's me.
I know several others (close family) that won't and it's been years as well. Same city - and no conversation.
I'd generally agree that Jesus would guide you to definitely love her, and probably turn your cheek but I'm sure there's a lot more to this story than any general answer could ever do justice in helping you with. I'll pray for you two bro...
I don't have any children so I really don't understand nor can I presume to. But as someone who does not have a father, I can tell you how much I wish that wasn't so. I wish so much that my father could be part of my life, that he could have seen me grow up, that he could have watched me graduate college and been a part of my life. That's about all I know, for whatever it's worth.
Chris,
I've tried to figure out how to apologize without then negating what I said, because dammit, I still feel like it needed to be said (and it is frustrating but for obvious reasons I can't go into it in a public forum). And it wasn't something I said lightly - in fact, I stewed on it for a month before I said it. Which was probably part of the problem.
Maria,
I wasn't that much in my daughters' lives except once a year while they grew up, but established "real" relationships with them about eight years ago. And with the death of their mother three years ago, I DO want to be a part of their lives because their mother's side of the family is pretty much gone. So yeah, I wish I had been there more for them, too, and am trying to be there for them now, and I THINK I am doing an OK job of that with the younger one (who now lives with us). But the older one...ah, well - that's the issue we're talking about, eh?
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