The dead were funnier than you and me

I am going to throw out a new category to give me an out when what I have to say would take more effort than what I am willing to type. The category is the title of this post. It will consist of long-dead (and hence, long out of copyright) quips from people way funnier than anyone I see on the modern landscape (P.J. O'Rourke possibly excepted).

Tonight's entry is Ambrose Bierce (of course), from his The Devil's Dictionary (I own a Dover press edition).

Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.