-(-x) = +x
Today Dan posted about negativity, and said,
I am too easily deflated, too sensitive to defeat and criticism, and too de-motivated by setbacks. It's no one else's responsibility, and it is entirely my fault. I don't say that out of pity or a false sense of humility... I say it as a confession of sin. It's true. I am the most negative person I know, and I hate it. I hate it! I don't want to be this way.
That entirely describes me, too, and much of the underpinnings to my struggle with "leadership" and why I don't want to be called a "leader". And to echo Dan, I hate it! But here's the scary part - Dan ends with a prayer for renewal and change in his heart. I want that, too. But I don't want it so I can then become a leader. Dan feels called to be such, or he wouldn't be a pastor. I do not. Basically, when it comes down to it I am a follower. And while God makes all things possible I would be suspect of Him changing the very nature of who I am, my basic personality. Yes, we are supposed to die and be reborn in Christ but does that mean we stop being ourselves?
I think a lot of people could chime in and say, "Yes, that's exactly what it means!", in which case I want to ask, "Then why did God make me who I am in the first place and why does He love me now, if all He wants out of me is someone different?" Combined with a sense of real disbelief that something as fundamental as personality is changeable.
I am really struggling with this, people, so no pat answers, por favor. However, comments are appreciated.
[c.f., earlier rants on same topic.]
2 comments:
Jim,
I am no expert on leadership, and I don't have an answer specifically for you. However, you do realize there are different kinds of leaders, don't you? I believe you can be a leader WITHOUT changing your personality at all.
The simplest definition I know of for a leader is 'someone who has followers.' And I don't mean getting people to be like you, but people who look to you for guidance; people who READ YOUR BLOG; people who believe you have something to say about something. And... the best leaders in the Christian sense are really just good followers (people who are following the leading of the Holy Spirit and the way and teachings of Jesus). That's all Moses was, and Abraham, and the Apostles, and on and on and on.
One of the big struggles I have had with our church council is this very thing: getting them to accept that they are leaders without thinking they need to change who they are. In our church we only have one committee. We don't call them elders or deacons or anything. It's just the church council. The people I want on this council are people who I feel are of a more mature nature spiritually, and people who are really striving to live as followers of Christ. And it's happened with almost every council member that, once they become a council member, they suddenly think they need to change. I'm sure it has to do with the title, but I'm not sure how to do 'title-less' yet. At any rate, the struggle is to then get them to accept the fact that they already were leaders based on how they were living, and what will make them good leaders is to continue to grow and mature in the way they already were growing and maturing. Does that make sense?
Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. As I've told you before, I don't know you other than the blog, but what I see is someone who is a developing leader BECAUSE OF how Christ is forming you. You're not a leader because of what you're doing, but what you're letting Christ do through you. So (in my opinion) the thing you need to deal with isn't "how to become a leader" or whether or not you 'should be' a leader, but how to not let those expectations interfere with what you're already becoming. In other words, just be you.
Hopefully you're not even more confused now. And I say all this as someone who is still struggling with it all myself too. I don't have it figured out, but this is kind of how I'm beginning to understand it. I could be totally wrong. :)
Peace and blessings to you, my friend.
Dan,
This has just been racing around in my head since you posted it. I get what you're saying - I am almost AFRAID that it's true. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I think the term "leader" really does throw me. I don't mind being a servant, but I don't want to be "in charge". Maybe I don't want the responsibility for failure, either. I dunno.
Anyway, your comments HAVE HAD AN IMPACT. I owe you one.
Blessings,
Jim
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